February 8, 2018
How is your 2018 going so far, guys? I live in Chicago where temperatures have occasionally dropped below 5 degrees, so my 2018 has mostly consisted of rocking back and forth in the fetal position underneath a Snuggie. Other than that, it’s been awesome. I’ve been trying to make this New Year as productive as possible. I’ve set some personal goals for the year I’m excited to tackle. But I’m trying my best to avoid calling them “New Year’s resolutions”.
Don’t get me wrong, I have the will power to commit myself to any decision or behavior if I’m fueled by just the right amount of rage and/or spite. It’s just that the idea of binding myself to a “resolution”- giving myself a mandatory mountain to climb- can be overwhelming. Instead, this year I’ve simply promised I would scale a little bit higher each and every day.
I encourage you all to take this approach. Why pressure yourself into losing a certain amount of weight by a certain month when you can just make a concentrated effort to eat cleaner and be more active, one day at a time? Acknowledge the mountain, but focus on putting one foot in front of the other. And ya know, not slipping off to your death. To help you all figure out what journey you want to take a single step toward tomorrow, I thought I’d share the list I wrote to myself. Close to midnight on December 31st, 2017 I began writing some personal goals I wanted to chip away at in the New Year. So here’s my list for a better me in 2018. To AJ, From AJ.
Try these 14 simple steps to a better you in 2018! I know you can do this! Well, actually, I know you’ll at least think about trying. That’s good enough, I guess. Go get em, girl!
14. Write a little every day. Even if it’s just for one hour!
13. Try to avoid overusing the word “sorry”. Just because you want to be polite, doesn’t mean you have to apologize when you’re not to blame.
12. Forgive yourself for not knowing what you didn’t know before you learned it. And forgive yourself for stealing cool, possible Maya Angelou quotes off Instagram.
11. Squeeze in more cardio. You know you sleep better after running a few miles! And you’re always just a little paranoid about one day having to outrun a masked serial killer, so why not be prepared?
10. Set a budget for disposable income. Just because you have it now doesn’t mean you always will. Do you really need that Fallout’s Dogmeat stuffed animal? You already have two other fictional dog-related stuffed animals, and one more isn’t exactly going to give you your lost childhood back, is it?
9. Try to stop turning every stream of thought so dark.
8. Eat less cheese. Because even though you once screamed “What is the point of living without pizza?!”, you’re officially lactose intolerant now. No, that doesn’t mean “God has forsaken you”, it just means you can’t properly process dairy. Please stop crying.
7. Stop doing that thing where you’re in the middle of a conversation and your brain starts to trail off thinking about that embarrassing interaction you had with that guy eight years ago and then you visibly shudder in real time. It weirds everyone out.
6. Worry less about that time a bird flew directly into your forehead. He’s probably fine.
5. Consider getting bangs.
4. Stop eating cake for every meal on days when you’re sad. You know the sugar crash only makes you sadder. And then you always fall asleep mid-cry on the couch, only to wake up with your face covered in mascara streaks, crumbs, and shame. Is it worth it? Ok, yeah, it’s kind of worth it. But at least think about scaling it back a bit.
3. Try putting real pants on every now and then. I know sweats are more comfortable and you’re “not trying to impress people” but “people” are starting to worry. Jeans can be comfortable too and probably don’t have melted M&M’s stuck on the ass. A little effort never hurt anyone. Neither would wearing a bra every now and then.
2. Maybe think about buying more age appropriate clothing. You look comfortable in your hoodies and graphic tees sure. But remember that one time, when that flight attendant asked if you were old enough to sit in the exit row? And you looked over at the giant red sign on the exit hatch, and it said “Only ages 14 and up may assist in a emergency”? You didn’t like that feeling very much did you?
1. Work on procrastinating less. I know you think this isn’t a big deal, but you seriously once set an alarm to change the Brita Filter because you “didn’t have the energy for it”. And then when that alarm eventually went off an hour later, you hit snooze. Twice. Try to tackle this one more proactively. Maybe write a checklist of work you need to get done and reward yourself after you complete each task. Maybe reward yourself with a snack! In fact why don’t you start writing that checklist this very second and…oh man a snack sounds so good right now…I’ll just write that list later…
See how easy setting personal goals can be? Here’s to a better us! Let me know your 2018 journeys on Twitter or IG @TheAJMendez. Can’t wait to hear who else has made life decisions based on pigeon assaults. Til next time guys!