September 22, 2016
I must be crazy. Why else would I write a soul-baring, life-exposing memoir after years of being painfully private? Why would I open the impenetrable gates to my little corner of the world? I am viscerally protective of it. I have guarded it like a knight and shielded it from scrutiny. My world is a remote island- a safe, warm, cozy island full of love, adventure, dogs, video games, comic books, and an inordinate amount of coffee. The idea of sharing it initially felt as traumatically vulnerable as how I assume walking stark ass nude down a busy intersection around noon-ish might. But if people are willing to listen to what I have to say then it is my responsibility to say something worthwhile.
My Twitter is mostly asinine jokes that make only me laugh. And I don’t use Instagram because A) my IPhone’s camera roll is basically 5,000 pictures of dogs sleeping in funny positions and B) my cleavage is not that impressive. I’m not great at sharing my day-to-day like my breakfast, gym schedule, or selfies, but I wanted to find a way to share a part of myself that would matter. This book felt like the right way to do just that.
With this book I want to shine a light on the darkest corners of my past. I have grown from them, learned from them, and they have shaped me into the person I am today. And that person is kind of a dick, but has also lived a wild, hilarious, tragic, messy, beautiful life and has learned a lot of lessons. I’ve always told myself that the adversity in my life happened for a reason. Someday I would be able to tell my story, and if that could help even one person, then the chaos had been worth it.
Writing this book was the hardest and scariest thing I have ever done. In its pages lie the worst mistake of my life, the best day of my life, a deeply personal photo album, stories of heartbreak, stories of true love, and secrets I’ve kept for far too long. I have never felt more exposed, and that’s coming from someone who has had several wardrobe malfunctions on international television.
This is not a cautionary tale. This is not a memoir that will shame my mistakes and delicately guide you down a better path. This is a memoir that will unabashedly encourage you to fuck shit up. To embrace your “crazy”, your “weird”, your “weakness”- the things that others will mistake as flaws but will end up being your greatest strengths.
You have all supported me through the years and accepted me as the freak and geek that I am. You have come along for the incredible journey and helped me make all of my wrestling dreams come true. And now you have given me the courage to make my dream of writing a book a reality. I hope this memoir will help you find the strength to fight for your dreams. I hope it will inspire you to find your very own superpower. And most of all I hope it will convince you to wear sensible shoes.
Full disclosure, the majority of this book was written while wearing pajamas well into the day, ingesting an ungodly amount of snack foods, and in between save points of a video game in which I slayed several dragons, so maybe the word “memoir” sounds a little too extravagant. Let’s just call this “my story”. This is my story. Welcome to my little corner of the world.
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